She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
