we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
