Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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