I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
