Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
