a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
