Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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