Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We need a shit load of segways right now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
