I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
