I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
