On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize