i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
