3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
