Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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