He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
