u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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