so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
