Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
