you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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