I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
