i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize