apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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