It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
