his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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