hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
