wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize