I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
