Quick, to the slutcave!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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