she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
