i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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