census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
