Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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