Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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