last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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