this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
