Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
