I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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