once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
