is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You can't just leave with hair like that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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