i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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