just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You made out with two different species that night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
