He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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