I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
