When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
