If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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