i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
