Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
