I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
