There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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