so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
