I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I had to cum in my sink.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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