At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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