There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
