I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize