I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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