Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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