I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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