Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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