i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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