I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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