so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
