I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
