I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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