So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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