Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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