come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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