I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
