I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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