She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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