I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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