Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
