oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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