wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
